Shαя∂ṡ øƒ ṃε, τøø ѕнαяρ τø ρυт вαсќ τσgєтнєя [Vei+Eth only]

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

A dark figurine sat against the loud rumbling sound of the waves clashing together. The cold, slowly accelerating gusts of wind brushed against the femme's medium-length fur. As she watched the rippling tides, she fought the urge to poke a paw in. Remember what happened last time, dearie? You nearly died that time. There's nobody here to save you now; maybe it'd be a good thing getting your worthless, pathetic excuse for a being off this place. A dark image seemed to pulse in her mind, a cat struggling against the water, eventually falling and bowing beneath its wrath. To feel the coldness of it wrap around her paws, slowly getting to her ankles, draping around her and tugging at her, pulling her in like a long tunnel you'd never get out of. The thought seemed millions of fox-tails away, when in reality all it would take is a leap and a breath. It seemed like only a few minutes ago her sister left her, when in all exact is was just a few hours ago. Now it was dusk. Starclan gained another great warrior, she thought. Yeah, one that should be alive. She died because of your stupid actions, maybe you should pay attention more. She thought again and was soon caught back into reality as a wave hit her foot. She shivered at the feeling. The water was cold beyond any length. It sent a tingling sensation down her legs and paws, one moment it was there and the next it was gone. She looked up at the sky. The stars twinkling above her gave her a small sense of hope, when she noticed one that was brighter than all the others. See? She is safe now. A single thought had began registered in her mind. It was Drippingcloud. I hope Cheetahcloud's taking care of her, another thought popped up in her head. What if she's not? What if..? Oh shush Etherealwish, she shook her head as she tried to calm herself down. Cheetahcloud wouldn't let you down; you know that more than anyone else. She forced a smile at the thought. See? You still have hope in seeing your sister again, she reminded herself with the smile still laying on her face. At a brink moment as she lowered her cranium to meet gazes with the loud river, she remembered her sister wouldn't be here with her. She was gone.. and she was never coming back, not ever. She sighed, inhaling and trying to think of something else. Veiledmoon would be so depressed... she realized. She was a good friend to her. She felt a bit guilty for worrying over herself, but then again Veiledmoon didn't know yet so why did it matter? Because she was her friend too, stupid! she reminded herself frustratedly. She was all alone now. Her parents couldn't help her; they were long gone. The same went with her siblings. Why did they all have to leave me in this cruel, dark escape to wonderland? she thought as she began to stare at her distorted image that gleamed in the water, so calm and clear. So simple, yet so divine, the water was. It was so simple. Yet it was known to many in Hiddenclan as a murderer. Many lives had been taken here, so she had heard. Although to her being here soothed her slightly. It let her see up into the starry night sky so she could feel like she was closer to her warrior ancestors. To Cheetahcloud. Closer to her family. One day I'll be there, too, she reminded herself. Playing around with Cheetahcloud and listening to her non-stop lectures, pulling pranks with Dappledrose and constantly bickering with Drippingcloud. The thought made her a smile a bit, only for it to falter almost instantly as she began to hear pawsteps appearing. The sound thundered across the grassy ground like bolts of lightning. It was like it was in a certain pattern, only stopping every so often.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 56% Notes:       

Yawn, hi Vei. Goodnight Vei. Okay, I thought today was Monday because it was like 12:30 am and my grandma said Sunday already came so I was alll " great I dind't finish my homework "" so I was scared and all then I realized it was in the morning. Silly me.

[Vei]

  

Kiss it all better... Vei   I'm not ready to go...

Roleplay;
    The dark femme's uncertain paw-steps somewhat frightened her. She lost her footing on occasion, feeling half blind with so many mixed emotions. Not only was her family imperfect like she'd never imagined, one of the few cats that understood her was leaving her. She felt her breathing coming in hard pants, her sudden urge to run through the chilly forest making her look towards the direction of camp, which seemed so far away and so lonely. White clouds formed around her muzzle as she breathed and continued to walk on stumbling over roots and her own paws. So unnatural for her to be so reckless and clumsy, especially during the night when she was most often quite as falling snow. Her sapphire eyes glimmered with sadness and misery though she made no sound other than her own clumsy foot work.
    He's abandoning me! They always do! I have no home anymore... no one ever stays... I feel so alone. Her thoughts buzzed in her mind, agitating her and blurring her vision with tears. She was quick to try and dismiss them, fretful of being noticed or found like she had been so many times before.  It had all started with Drippingcloud, finding her in that little bush.. so far from her home... from her living nightmare. Then it became Sheepfrost... they'd been kits and she'd been rather shy and scared. He'd found her hiding outside of the nursery when they should've been sleeping. Then Shadowrain... he'd found her. And then finally, Etherealwish had found her in a desperate moment.
    Her tufted ears twitched at the increasingly loud river's splashing. She shook her head and sighed softly, trying to regain her composure. "You're fine Veiledmoon... running away won't solve anything..." Her soft voice didn't carry far luckily as she padded out into the little clearing where the river bank was bare. The shadows shrouded her quite well even though she didn't try to be hidden. The familiar brown tabby pelt of Etherealwish was the first thing that caught her gentle blue eyes which were still obviously distraught though she tried to mask it. "Etherealwish?" She tilted her head in confusion and observed the medicine cat a moment before approaching her again. "Are you alright? You seem upset," she mewed, being a total hypocrite since she too was upset.
    She settled herself near the female, her ears flattened slightly as her paws were gently caressed by the waves of the river. The cold made her shudder, reminding her of that horrid day. Always... every beautiful thing from nature was ruined around her.... all because of Smeric's way of destroying her memories. She curled her tail around her paws, the water still tickling her fur gently as she looked gently at the she-cat she knew fairly well and trusted with her life and more.


OOC;
tags: Nako [Eth]
word count: 487
notes: thar ya go lurvly

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

She knew who it was even before she'd recognized her scent. Who else in HiddenClan loved the night? She only had one answer to that question; Veiledmoon. That was how she met the grey feline, underneath a dark night sky with the moon shining brightly overhead. Veiledmoon was confused about her feelings back then. I wonder if there's something wrong with her now? the medicine cat asked herself. Well, I'll find out soon enough, she added. Finally something that'll take my mind off of her.. she blinked at the thought. She only managed to come back to reality instead of surrendering to her mind when the she-cat called out her name. She let out a breath and turned to look at one of her friends. "Yeah, Veiledmoon?" she asked quietly, her tail flicking as her ice-blue gazed tried to figure out if she was feeling any pain. Despite how hard she tried, with how dark it was this night it was hard to tell. The loud roaring of the river made it hard to hear what the grey femme had spoken to her, but Etherealwish had heard the words several times before and now she'd began to get used to being asked that simple question "Are you okay?" At first she lowered her head of nervousness and not knowing what to say.

"You seem upset," but after those few words, the temptress made an effort to look at her. She didn't want to tell her what had happened. Then Veiledmoon would be upset and she didn't want her friend sad. "Um.. not really... I'm fine," she mewed quietly. A little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone, surely? That was what she had figured anyhow. As she felt Veiledmoon sit nearby her she fought back the urge to inch away. She sighed, feeling her gentle blue gaze on her made her want to blurt out every single thing that had happened that day, but she really didn't want to hurt Veiledmoon's feelings in any way, shape, or form. She also knew she had to tell the truth to her, and Veiledmoon would find out soon enough. She began to chew on the bottom of her lip anxiously, starting to taste blood and at it she stopped immensely. She shook her cranium and glanced away from the grey-hued she-cat. "I-I'm fine." she confirmed her statement from earlier, or at least tried to. Yet in reality, her mind was buzzing with everything that had happened that day. It clouded her mind, her bloodstream and clogged her from thinking straight. She was practically drowning in her rambling of thoughts, on and on and on now. She sighed, exhaled and began to watch her distorted reflection again; she could almost see every flaw of her. How come Drippingcloud couldn't? She was far from precious. She was filled with flaws, they surrounded and teased her. Her scar on her cheek from a fight a long time ago. There was one imperfection about her. She felt a hiss try and come out of her throat but she didn't pass it through. She probably knows something's bothering you. Her mind pondered as she continued to stare at her deformed reflection. Well of course, it's pretty obvious, but I don't want to tell. She reminded herself once again and she slowly began to lift her head to look in Veiledmoon's sky-blue eyes.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 50% Notes:       

Oh my gosh I stayed up till 3:30am writing this x3 I feel bad. Might not reply today because we're really busy and stuff so~

[Vei]

Kiss it all better... I'm not ready to go...

Vei

Roleplay;
"I-I'm fine," the way those words came out... wavering, uncertain... Veiledmoon knew something was wrong and didn't want to push Etherealwish too much but she wanted to know. Is it something only Etherealwish knew? Or does everyone know but me? The very idea of being oblivious to whatever was on her mind made her nervous and uncomfortable. She stared at her friend, opening her mouth to speak before closing it again, trying to think of what to say. She flattened her ears, "Are you sure?... You're voice is wavering... that usually is a common thing when someone's upset," she remarked just loud enough to be heard over the river's loud torrent.
She felt her thin pelt fluff up against the wind that accompanied so droplets of water that splashed on her back, making her shiver as look at the river. She was almost frozen by how violent the water seemed... or was she just imagining it? She swallowed past the lump in her throat, the memories lingering in her mind and reminding her of her torturous kit hood. The dark, huge tabby form of her father looming over her, a firm paw holding her half way off the bank of the river, the freezing water soaking her little ears and she squirmed violently to escape him.
The dark femme couldn't help but stagger quickly away from the water and lay down, her tail wrapped around her body as she stared for awhile long, tortured by memories she wished would go away. She dragged her gaze back to the medicine who too seemed troubled though Veiledmoon knew she had many more reasons to be upset than anyone else it seemed. She dragged her gaze back to Etherealwish, wondering is she too had a memory this river represented. She realized that she must've just looked like the most ridiculous,terrified little kit but she couldn't help it. She frowned slightly and pushed herself back int a sitting position.
"What happened," she asked quietly, "Why are you upset?" She desperately tried to keep her own anguish out of her voice, not wanting to add more to the fire of misery. Etherealwish already had it hard, Veiledmoon saw no reason to let her suffer with secrets of her own. She let her blue eyes take in all of Etherealwish's looks... She looked so... lonely. She awaited a response, trying to consider what ideas may been the source of Etherealwish's depressed feeling. Veiledmoon already knew she was upset and her own reasons for being upset were large. She felt like she was slowly being abandoned by everyone she loved and held dear.

OOC;
tags: Mα¢αвяε♥
word count: 457
notes: 

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

Immediately she lowered her head, scared to look back at her. As soon as she caught the grey feline's words come from her maw, she wanted to just run towards her and scream. Gah, I'm so bad at this! The thought made her want to scream in frustration and fear. "I.. I don't think you can help." were the first words that popped out of her mouth. And so she realized it was true. Nobody could help her now. She had nobody. Absolutely nobody; everyone she'd loved left her and all they were were constant throbbing aches inside her so-called 'heart.' As if. Do I even have one? Well, I just stood there and let Her, die. Right in front of me! Of course I don't have one! When I die I'll probably be going to the Dark Forest, her thoughts were bombarding her. "Besides, you wouldn't really want to know." And I don't want to tell you, she added quietly in her mind. She looked up, feeling more vulnerable than she'd had when even Drippingcloud and her's arguments came up. She'd never felt so alone before, except when her mother died. Her mother had always favored her a bit more than Drippingcloud. Maybe that's why she hated me, realization hit her. She continued to watch her friend quietly, noticing her feared expression at the water. So she has a past too, she thought. With the water. she thought again. She turned her head away from her and continued watching the river silent as she felt Veiledmoon's pelt move against her fur as the grey femme had backed up from her. Why? she wanted to ask, opening her mouth but nothing came out. "What happened," Etherealwish was hardly able to catch the words Veiledmoon, one of her close friends, had spoken. With the roaring of the river loud in her ears. She sighed and continued to stare at the rippling tides. It seemed so captivating; the poor, forsaken medicine just wanted to dive into the adventures of the underwater carousel, to sleep there forever until just a soul she would remain. But Etherealwish knew she couldn't; she had to cope, no matter how hard it seemed to be. "Why are you upset?" Once again, the she-cat managed to bring her back to reality. This is it, Etherealwish, she reminded herself. As she tried to speak though, a simple squeak came out of her. It seemed so hard to believe that She was gone. The words took so long to come out, and every moment she was regretting every moment of that day more and more, over and over again. "She's.." She whispered. Against the loud rumbling of the rapids her voice was barely audible. It felt like she was breaking whenever she thought of it and so much guilt overpowered her body. She just wanted to be alone. "I just.. Don't want to talk r-right now." she stated flatly, her voice still low and quiet despite the urges to scream and just let out all her pain and agony she'd felt. Watching her sibling die felt like torture. The feeling of knowing she couldn't help her was even worse; she was supposed to be dedicated to her job, but she ruined that. Yeah, you have a habit of ruining things, don't you, Etherealkit? she thought frustratedly to herself. She sighed and slowly whispered, her voice still hardly able to be heard, "Veiledmoon.. she's... she's... she's in a better place now.." the temptress had barely managed to speak the words. She was still filled with shock and wondering how she'd go on without hearing Drippingcloud's constant complaints about how useless she was. You know it was all true, it was all true. Drippingcloud spoke nothing but the truth; you really are worthless. Picking flowers really is all that medicine cats do, you know. Picking flowers and wasting their lives doing absolutely nothing at all with their lives. She reminded herself.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 56% Notes:       

ew I heated a candy bar up and it tastes bad now... ugh

[Vei]

Kiss it all better... I'm not ready to go...

Vei

Watching the brown tabby lower her head, Veiledmoon frowned slightly, wondering what was wrong with the she-cat. "I.. I don't think you can help." She twitched her dark ears and sighed softly, "That may be true but I can try at least," she pointed out. Her eyes watched Etherealwish gently, and when she seemed to be withdrawn and not there, she couldn't help but worry. What was wrong?!
"Besides, you wouldn't really want to know." She narrowed her eyes, trying to focus on what's going on now with the medicine cat. "I believe I'll be the judge of that," she mewed in response, her tail curling even tighter around her thin body, its shaded gray patterns blending in with the shadows around her that were so common in the forest and something she so enjoyed most of the time.
The way the she-cat noticed her fright of the water made Veiledmoon look at the ground and awkwardly shift her paws. "I... um... My father tried to drown me," she murmured, trying to explain her somewhat crazed reaction to the river. She hated to admit it but even as a grown adult, she still feared of her father, even though he'd been dead since she was no more than four moons old. The way he seemed to haunt her was terrifying and unfair, the thoughts never going away, never ceasing."She's.." Veiledmoon perked her ears to hear the quiet female over the loud river, "She who?" Just as soon as progress was being made though, "I just.. Don't want to talk r-right now." The dark femme frowned and looked towards the looming trees not far away from them, the only things separating them from the camp.
"Veiledmoon.. she's... she's... she's in a better place now.." As soon as the words were out, Veiledmoon looked Etherealwish dead in the eye and blinked, "Who?! Who Etherealwish," she demanded, fretting it was someone she knew well. Another cat is abandoning me?! Why must you torture me StarClan?! "Who's dead," she asked.

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

"Who Etherealwish," she heard her words, and ignored them. "Who's dead." But this time it hit her. Hard. "Don't.. Please don't say it l-like that!" she whispered. "It's my fault she's gone! You don't understand.. You don't. Nobody does!" she hissed angrily, she was staring into Veiledmoon's eyes. Her glare was filled with pain and anger, and regret. Her fur was highly arched on her back in fury. "It's all my fault! She.. Drippingcloud.. She.. She was trying to show me one of her favorite places. And.. I got lost. Oh, I'm so, so, so.." she whispered. "Stupid." The word was breathed out so simple, so flat as if it meant absolutely nothing to her. Because it didn't; not anymore. Why should I even bother? It's my fault she's dead. Nobody else can take the blame except me! It's all my fault. "A dog came and.. and.." she didn't want to speak anymore, to hear, to breathe. She didn't want to do anything anymore. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't do anything. I'm a medicine cat. I should've done something. But I didn't! Why didn't I do something?!" She was screaming now, anger filling her tone and she just wanted to be empty. To be soulless, to have nothing to care about anymore. At least, that was what she was becoming. She had nobody else to lose except Veiledmoon, nobody else now. "The dog tried to attack me and I screamed and.. and Drippingcloud came and..and.." she couldn't take it. She didn't want to talk about it. "I.." she was choking now and she had to sit down, refusing to look to Veiledmoon, instead concentrating on the water. "I don't want to talk anymore.." she whispered. For a long while she hesitated before speaking, "So um.. Why... why are you out, Veiledmoon?" she asked, trying her hardest not to express how badly she was feeling right now. "I'm really sorry that I... that I had to tell you that. You said you could handle it. I wish I could." she admitted nervously, her gaze still casted on the river quietly. Jump, her mind was taunting her. It seemed so tempting to her, just once, she wanted to so badly. But she tried her hardest to resist it. She looked up and sighed. "It's just as hard as me as it is for you, you know." she mewed, biting her lip awkwardly.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 40% Notes:       

Sorry this is really short. I just i'm so excited and I didn't want to leave you waiting for like a week

[Vei]

At first there was the silence which scared her more. "Is it Sheepfrost? Oh StarClan no! It can't be... Who-" then the medicine cat stared to speak. She was so quiet Veiledmoon had to strain to hear. Who is it? She stared, ice blue eyes wide, her pupil so small from fright that it almost looked like it wasn't there. "It's my fault she's gone! You don't understand.. You don't. Nobody does!" She'd said something like that before... in a nightmare though... it had been her kit that had died though... she had cried out in her sleep Sheepfrost had fussed, trying to get it out of her what was wrong. "It's all my fault! She.. Drippingcloud.. She.. She was trying to show me one of her favorite places. And.. I got lost. Oh, I'm so, so, so..Stupid."
The name... it was there. "D...no.. Dripping... Drippingcloud," she squeaked, barely able to speak anymore. It didn't even take her eyes a second before they were full of tears and blurring her vision again. "Oh no," she wailed, wanting to disappear. "I'm being abandoned," she whispered, sobbing quietly, "Everyone's leaving me." The dark female stared at the ground, tears dripping to the ground at her paws, her masked face melted with the darkness around her, making it seem like she was just a crying ghost... a mere shadow in the darkness of her living hell.
And the rambling continued but Veiledmoon couldn't hear it. She stared, half dead at the ground, ready to just dig her own claws into her chest and free herself from her misery. Something about a dog... couldn't do anything... she didn't care. Her body quivered with every silent sob, her fur wild and wispy despite their short length. Her gaze slowly moved towards the river, a thought forming in her mind. Just a jump away from freedom....
"So um.. Why... why are you out, Veiledmoon?" She didn't even glance at Etherealwish, her sapphire gaze dim as she stared at the rushing water. "I'm....being...abandoned," she whispered in response, slowly rising to her paws. "I'm really sorry that I... that I had to tell you that. You said you could handle it. I wish I could." She smirked slightly, her face masked in shadows, her white teeth standing out against the darkness though tears still steadily trickled down her face, "I never said I could handle it," she muttered, "I just needed to know... just one more reason." She looked at her paws darkly and smiled, a genuine smile, as if she was an innocent kitten that was chasing a butterfly. She looked up at the river and her smile became a grin. One step... two... and then she was sprinting. Each long step bringing her closer to her choice. I have no reasons left to remain alive...
As soon as was submerged in water, her psychotic joy became panic. The water! No! Let me go Smeric! As soon as the memory flooded her mind, she thrashed wildly, trying to resurface again to get out. When she managed to resurface, flailing wildly and splashing everywhere, she screamed loudly, regretting her horrible idea and wanting to get out of the raging torrent of freezing liquid.

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

"I never said I could handle it." she heard Veiledmoon say and immediately guilt washed over. Come on Etherealwish, think! but she couldn't say anything. She had nothing to say. "I just needed to know... just one more reason." she heard her friend say. Instantly at her words she watched Veiledmoon, her eyes widening in shock. Oh StarClan, she barely had time to think as she watched her friends face darken up and her frown had turned into a creepy smile -- demented, and she could tell it had more meaning behind it. "Veiledmoon no!" she shouted as she watched her friend step forward, further. Her friend was turning mentally crazy. Just like she was, slowly, ongoing each day. Yet she still did nothing but stand there screaming at the top of her lungs in agony and fear as her friend jumped in the water. You're kidding. You're kidding. "Veiledmoon!" she shouted again. Come on, Ethhereeeaallkit. Jump already; you know you want to. The voice was edging her to her core; inside her heart she had a longing to jump in. Then the flashback started. 'Traitor,' 'At least I didn't murder anyone,' 'You broke the code.' 'So did you,' Her and her siblings past conversations flooded her mind. Her sisters words. 'What're you doing out here? Picking flowers?' 'Medicine cats don't fight,' 'Pathetic excuse for a medicine cat,' and finally. One of her sisters more recent words, 'Worthless,' had hit her hardest. And she watched as her flashback self fell into the same roaring water. And Drippingcloud tried to drown her. That was when the flashback ended and she could hear Veiledmoon screaming. What just happ- she's in the water, idiot! She turned her gaze to the water, her eyes widening at her recent memory of it. Who do you choose, to let Veiledmoon die? Veiledmoon has kits and a mate. You have nothing now. Nothing. Veiledmoon doesn't need you. All you need is to go to your real home, her mind convincing her. Home. the word sounded so ancient. You'd never be able to be in her position. To be loved, to have a family. You're a medicine cat. You sit there in your medicine cat den and be jealous as couples go in there complaining about their mate. That's how your life has been, full of jealousy. She reminded herself sharply. I think I'd say.. and then she jumped, into the coldness. The darkness. Veiledmoon, her last thought as the water engulfed her and darkness covered her vision.

Failure, the words rang through her head. She was pushing, kicking her hind legs or trying to get to the surface with all her might. The water made little air bubbles around her as she was drowning. You can do it. you've done it once before. The medicine cat tried to encourage herself. But it was failing, just like she was. She felt something hit against her. Veiledmoon. Trying her hardest to fight against the rapidly racing current she tried to push, swimming and save Veiledmoon but the current swept her further away from the grey she-cat. You have nobody to save you now, a thought cackled in her head. Poor Etherealkit, all alone. Poor Etherealkit, you'll be here forever. Another laugh from her demented mind. No, I can fight it! she tried to keep herself going, but every movement was harder and harder. She barely had the strength to fight against she current, but she didn't want to die. Remember, it'll be boring when you die. There'd be nothing to do. The same routine, day by day. Yet here, your life keeps changing. Remember what Cheetahcloud told you? She reminded herself, trying to gain hope in herself. She pushed up weakly, when she hit the surface. Bubbles had formed a circle around her head and she gasped, coughing. "V-Veiledmoon.." she whispered. "You can do it." Her voice was raspy and she continued coughing.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

Tags: Vei Muse: 45% Notes:

Sorry I didn't reply. I finished typing this and whenever I remembered I was either doing practice for our play, practicing for Best of the Best, at church, or I had to go to bed. And now I finally got the time ^-^ Btw if you got confused Vei well the current swept her further away from Vei but i guess they could crash into eachother because rivers get shallower at a certain point I thinK?? I don't know >< '

[Vei]

The gray female felt something run into her after she'd gone back under the torrent of the waves. She wanted to scream at the sudden contact, almost sure Etherealwish would've never jumped in after her, her mind assuming it was a water animal of some sort. She tried to straighten out of her thoughts, knowing she needed to survive... despite her crazed thoughts before. Kick your legs you pathetic scrap of fur! You're lucky your mother is here to make sure I don't just drown you, Smeric's voice was loud and clear in her head, which startled the gray she-cat. She immediately tried to kick her paws, trying to get back to the surface. Her thin fur made it a bit easier to swim but she couldn't help but finally be glad for her father's odd and cruel "lessons." Looks like his lessons were worth some of my pain, she thought with a slight pleasure. She paddled harder still, her lungs stinging and begging for air as her vision was going fuzzy and an odd serenity wanted to wash over her. She struggled to continued and when her face finally resurfaced, she gulped in the air, almost losing her train of thought and sinking again but Veiledmoon refocused and righted herself to her best attempt, her muzzle just barely able to stay above the surface. Struggling for what felt like moons, the she-cat felt a sudden risen ground scrape her front paws and she stumbled, crashed onto the elevated river bottom. She fell over, the water shallow and barely tall enough to reach past her whiskers. She laid there awhile, panting and gasping and gagging up water. She stared off into space, her eyes dim though she was very much alive. I almost died... I... I jumped... I really jumped. Her mind hummed and she felt like crying for herself... what a selfish thing to do. She didn't though and just laid there, trying to process everything so she was stable and wouldn't break into a fit.

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

Underneath the angry water, she could barely breathe. All you have to do... is swim, she tried to coax her body into learning, the chill of the slimy grip of it still making her want to hide. Come on, Etherealwish! You've done things worse than this! You're touched dirty cats! You've messed with their infected wounds! If you can handle the smell of that, surely you can handle this? It isn't that hard, even Veiledmoon could do it! You're so weak, mouse-brain! She began to curse herself mentally, when the feline finally managed to hit the surface. She gasped for breath. Oxygen was a dire need by now; the very feeling of it made her throat burn in agony. The salt water had made her body ache; she was still trembling from its disgusting tremble, wrecking at her body, massing her once-pretty coat into tight, wet boulds of fur. She was shivering all over by the time she got out, but the anger she was holding was unbearable. And the guilt. Oh, the guilt. It hung over her head like a raincloud, spraying its liquid down upon her. Her brown-hued pelt was drenched with the river's water. The realization of air hit as she hit the ground, gasping for breath. She barely managed to croak out the words, "Veiledmoon... Don't you... dare... do that again," Her voice was raspy, and it sounded strange to her. Eugh, what I'd do for a ton of honey right now, she thought to herself. Her throat was burning; how could they handle it? How? It seemed impossible for her to endure. "Ugh.. My throat.." she muttered. She wanted to scream at Veiledmoon, to claw at her fur. I'm never doing that again, whether I'm desperate to leave this horrible world or not! I wouldn't have jumped in if it were Drippingcloud, would I?! she screamed in her head, her mind beckoning her to its clutches. She just wanted to sleep. Her muscles... what muscles? She was all fat. "Veiledmoon... please don't do that again.. I don't think I could save you a second time." she murmured, although loud enough for her to hear. Seriously, what did Veiledmoon know? She didn't have to jump. It was her sister that was dead. Veiledmoon had everything. Etherealwish? Etherealwish lost everything. She had nothing else to lose now. She had even lost herself. Yes, she herself, she had nothing. Her parents were dead, gone. They weren't coming back. And her best friends were dead too. Veiledmoon shouldn't care about Drippingcloud! Nobody else did! Nobody else cared, and they never would! That's how selfish, cruel, and worthless this world seemed to be. She let out another gasp for air, only further making her throat irritate more. She let out a sigh, watching her 'friend' with her light-blue oculars, the moon resting its radiant white glow on her pelt. "...Veiledmoon, why? Why'd you jump?" the words came out in a whisper, so soft, so sweet. So innocent, they could seem to her. Maybe Veiledmoon wouldn't answer, although Etherealwish figured she already knew the answer. "Could.. Could you not take it anymore?" The words that had arose from her throat surprised even herself. Not because she knew how it felt, to be 'alone', desperately seeking somebody, a friend, someone who cared. And never happening to find one. Yes, she knew how it felt all too much even. They surprised her because she thought she'd never hear her admit that to anyone, that she felt that way. It sounded strange to come out of her maw, to even be able to 'not take it anymore'. To not have the strength to continue on living? Is that what she meant, Etherealwish wondered. Confusion began to weld in her twisted head, so many thoughts finding their way to her jumbled and messed up mind. But beneath it all, all she wanted to do was scream. Because she herself, she couldn't take it anymore. All this stress was weighing down on her shoulders and she could barely manage standing or being in the forest, getting back memories of her dead siblings and knowing they wouldn't come back. They'd said she'd get over it, but would she find out how? It all seemed impossible to her at last; and she was unable to make up her mind. "Veiledmoon...I'm sorry," she muttered. Finally, something she actually meant. She was sorry; she shouldn't have told Veiledmoon, she'd figure it out on her own but then Veiledmoon would be dead. And Etherealwish would be nowhere even closer to recovering from her insane mind, would she? She knew she wouldn't be better off with Veiledmoon dead, even thinking about her dead sounded strange, obscure even. As she sat upright, or tried to, anyhow, her weakness got to her and she fell back down. "Ugh.." All these worries and stress was hurting her, whether it be mentally or physically. Mentally, she seemed nothing, and she was broken, beyond repair.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 89% Notes:       

i've been working on this for two hours i'm so tired ughhhh i'm sorry i'll probably edit this later because it sounds weird to me and i really need to get on track but like i just feel like i've been drained and i ugh i haven't been feeling well.. myself recently like.. i feel like a tornado with so many whirring thoughts and i i i i i can't im so tried aejakfal tired ugh see i cant type right and i'm not even using commas this is probably really overdramatic but i might just be tired now i feel like everyone's going to grade every word i write and i have to be 1000x better than i am now it seems impossible WHY AM IS AYING this ugh im just speaking mythoughts as usual i keep looking at ethes photo over there and saying her eyes remind me of mints because mint gum can be blue and then i looked at serens earlier and i thought she was a panda see how tired i am ughhh omg im thinking serens a panda SEREN THE PANDA haha i made myself laugh eeewwww my grnadmas yelling at me ewwww grandma quit yelling in your sleep what why this is ughhhhhhh i feel young and immature and i DONT WANT TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL IM TOO YOUNG im scared... i really am and when i talk like this i feel young. Although when I talk like this I feel really mature and all grown-up. when i say grown-up it makes me feel llike a child
what this is going off topic OK BACK TO TOPIC SNAP SNAp what EWWW IM GOING TO DELETE THIS WHEN I WAKE Up but right now im just gonna go to sleep goodnight my vei what im so weirddddd wwhhhhyyyyy ew i just tried to eat my hair nomnom it didnt taste good im hungry GRANDMA ITS 4AM MAKE BREAKFAST ALREADY

[Vei]

Kiss it all better... I'm not ready to go...

Vei

Roleplay;
    The gray female laid there awhile, her muscles cold, frozen it seemed. It took her a bit of time to even try to sit up, and when she did, her muscles screamed at her. She winced as she rose to stand up, wobbling and unsteady, so unlike her usual grace and dignity. She looked at her paws, sapphire eyes dim and shining all at the same time from the tears she held back. Looking back at the medicine cat who'd also resurfaced on the shallow shore, she bit her tongue, a terrible guilt biting her paws... or was that the cold? She couldn't tell anymore. She didn't care. She looked towards the shore not but a few lengths from her and wondered if Etherealwish would tell Sheepfrost of her crazy attempt.
    "Veiledmoon... Don't you... dare... do that again." The hoarse voice of the medicine cat spin around and look at Etherealwish, her eyes wide. "I... I'm so sorry," she mewed, her gaze drifting to the water, "I... I don't..." She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She could hear Etherealwish groaning about her throat. Veiledmoon wasn't sure if her throat was also hurting... she was so numb she couldn't figure it out. She closed her eyes and flattened her ears, totally and completely ashamed of herself, her pelt sopping wet and dripping with the river's water.
    "Veiledmoon... please don't do that again.. I don't think I could save you a second time." She shook her head slowly, her sapphire eyes glued to the water. "I... No... I won't... I..." She didn't know what to say... she stared at her reflection as if it was some cruel stranger out to kill her. She didn't even understand why she'd done it... No... don't lie to yourself... you know why...
     "...Veiledmoon, why? Why'd you jump?" She bit back tears, trying so hard to compose herself. She knew why... it was always in her head.. like an itch you just couldn't reach, it was just lingering there and she couldn't make it go away. "Could.. Could you not take it anymore?" Veiledmoon gave a rueful laugh, eyes watering as she looked at her aunt. She gave a small nod and bit her lip as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. She couldn't talk... no, she refused to talk if she was crying.. her voice always shook and she could never get enough air to talk clearly.
    After her tears had stopped, she swallowed past the lump in her throat, "I'm... I feel so alone Etherealwish... I just don't know what to do anymore... I am... so empty. My true parents never loved me... I don't have any siblings... My adopted family is so... distant it seems," she admitted, letting it all out with shaky breaths in between every couple of words. "Shadowrain... He says he's leaving... Drippingcloud is gone now you said... She was the one that found me... Tiny... Helpless... Me."
    She sat in the water, not caring it was cold, her body was already numb. "My kittens are all... different... Not normal... We've already lost one for good." Her shoulders shook with a fit of tears, "I'm so sorry," she whined, "I didn't.... I..."
    She stopped talking for awhile before she stood up and walked over to the medicine cat. Looking at her, her expression was blank except for the pure sorrow in her normally bright blue eyes. "You know how I feel... .don't you," she mewed, already aware of the answer. Drippingcloud was Etherealwish's last link... she knew. She'd been told about Cherrybliss... of Dappledrose, though she'd never met either she knew Etherealwish must miss them both dearly. She sighed softly, unable to really say much other than repeating, "I'm sorry," over and over, never quite feeling like it was enough. Looking at her soaking body, she sighed quietly... miserably... before moving past Etherealwish and hopping onto the shore and looking back at her. "Are you okay?.... Helping me didn't get you... hurt did it," she asked, the weight on her shoulders already heavy with her own regret... and if her aunt had been hurt trying to keep her alive?... She couldn't forgive herself for that... that was lower than low.

OOC;
tags: Nako [Eth]
word count:  737
notes: It's fine ^^ It took me a bit to reply and I was grounded when you did reply so that made the wait abnormally long o.o Well... here you go... over 700 words of "fun."

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

Etherealwish sighed. Each breath was harder for her to handle, and soon she just wanted it all to end. But she had to take care of the clan. "I'm... I feel so alone Etherealwish... I just don't know what to do anymore... I am... so empty. My true parents never loved me... I don't have any siblings... My adopted family is so... distant it seems," she heard her friend say. Her only friend left. She decided to stay quiet. Any amount of talking would just hurt her throat even more, and besides, she had to let Veiledmoon vent. If she didn't, Veiledmoon would get worse. And so she just nodded, listening to the femme's words. "Shadowrain... He says he's leaving... Drippingcloud is gone now you said... She was the one that found me... Tiny... Helpless... Me." And her instincts to try and comfort her stuck in. Veiledmoon was too young; she was losing everything. It's all your fault, Etherealwish, her inner self whispered to her. "My kittens are all... different... Not normal... We've already lost one for good." She sighed, inhaling the forest breeze as she continued to let Veiledmoon ramble on. She just had to listen, at least for once. And maybe Drippingcloud wouldn't haunt her anymore. Her siblings death still haunted her, and sometimes it was her. But her dying, sometimes, it made her happy. Death sometimes seemed the only option to get out of this world. And maybe it was. Maybe life was just an obstacle they had to defeat, and nobody ever gained the strength to defeat it. She bit her lip nervously; she hadn't realized how hard she was shaking. The fae looked up quietly as Veiledmoon padded towards her. She wanted to speak, not because she wanted to, but because she felt like a kit, sitting there and doing almost nothing. "I.. Veiledmoon..." she whispered. Her body continued to tremble, more and more. "I.. I'm so sorry. I should've been there.. But I can't..." she bit down harder on her lip. 'You know how I feel... don't you,' she heard her friend say. Etherealwish nodded. "Of course. I... I've felt like that for a long time now." she began to confess, slowly hesitating before adding, "They'd ask me how I was.. I would always say fine. Yet inside I was dying, piece by piece." She actually felt like she was saying what she really felt for once. "That.. that one moon, when Kindleheart a-and Seawhisker died.." her breath nearly caught in her throat as she forced herself to go on, not to scream at the nightmares she had received. She had watched Seawhisker die. And she did nothing. Kindleheart, she was her own apprentice. Again, she did nothing. That, right then and there, was just the start of it entering her life. It started as one bubble, and slowly became thousands and thousands, induced, trapped in her brain, in her thoughts, in her movements. "That's.. when it started. The feeling of being alone." Her words were cracking now and her body, it wouldn't stop shaking. The thoughts of watching Seawhisker bleed and die right in front of her came back and she wanted to scream, although nothing came out when she tried. That's in the past, Etherealwish. "And... Willowpool died... She... she lied to me.." she whispered. Sure, WIllowpool had barely cared for her, but at least she was there for her. That was what mattered, surely? "I..I was left all alone...And my sister...Drippingcloud.. She... S-she.. She made it worse." She hated to admit it, even if it was true. Bullied, tortured by her sister until her sisters impending death. "It got worse.. Then Cedarwhisker went missing, and then Cherrybliss... she went missing too and never came back... I... I guess s-she's gone now, too." she whispered.

"And Dappledrose... M-my mother." It hurt now. It hurt so badly, she couldn't tolerate it. The agony of seeing her mother's lifeless body laying on the grassy ground below, bleeding. Blood pouring out of her stomach. The thought made her want to scream again and jump back into the curdling waters. But she couldn't. She had to stay strong. It was so hard, it was, to remember her mother. As usual, they said she'd be able to move on. "That's... That's when it really struck in.." she whispered. "She.. She...--!" Her voice grew louder, suddenly screaming now. And her throat was aching. "SHE LEFT ME HERE, SHE LEFT ME HERE ALONE!!" She screamed, anger flooding her voice, her body. "She left me.. She.. She left everyone, and NOBODY cared! It.. Nobody..cared... They told me to move on, but they don't know how it feels. They didn't lose everyone in what seemed like a heartbeat! I've lost everyone, literally! I have no friends at all, nobody!" she wailed. Her anger was pouring through her words, despair glittering in her ice-blue gaze. Trembling appendages and bodice. She couldn't control herself; nobody could deny it. She was messed up. Fully gone, demented, to never become whole again. "I.. I met Cheetahcloud around then. She's.. a StarClan cat." she murmured. "She hated me at first, but she grew to like me. We.. we became really close. I could call her my best friend gladly now." a smile slowly appeared on her face. "But... not long after, Drippingcloud.. she.." her voice grew into a whisper. "She trained in the Dark Forest.. and.. I.. I... I found out and she called me a traitor... And so I blamed her for killing...every cat she saw. Although it---it wasn't true, I was really mad... But... She tried to drown me." the words seemed so bland. "I wish I did drown. Then everything would be better, and I would be safe from this place. This world, Veiledmoon, it's so cruel." she sighed. "I'm so sorry.. I rambled to you.. I really am an immature kit.." she whispered. "I'm just spilling out my life story to you." she murmured. "I've.. I've never told anyone before that, but..I.. I don't know if it means anything anymore, so..." she sighed, lowering her gaze to her trembling, achromatic-hued paws. Her lethal ungulates slowly slid out, digging into the moist grass below her trembling feet. "Anyways.. soon after that.. y-you know what happened.." she whispered. "Drippingcloud... left me too," she sighed. "You know, you're not the only one with these problems. But I mean.. I shouldn't be putting the blame on you. It's not your fault; it's our own, surely? I mean, it's my fault Drippingcloud's dead. It's my fault that everyone died, isn't it? I could've stopped their deaths, couldn't I?" she whispered. "It is my fault. It is. Veiledmoon, please. I don't know whether you'd want me alive or not, but it doesn't matter. Because right now, I feel more dead than alive. I feel empty." she whispered, her voice was threatening low; she herself could barely hear her words. Her shock with what she was saying had barely sunken in yet. She just continued rambling, as usual. She was a pathetic little kit, wasn't she? Worthless, horrible, stupid. She was worthless; her sister was right. She couldn't hunt; she did fully depend on warriors for her survival. She was practically all fat, no muscles. She probably couldn't even be considered skinny.

"Veiledmoon.." she whispered. Her voice suddenly rose. "Please, please don't leave me too," she begged slowly. "You're the only one I have left and.. No matter how hard it gets, please.. please don't try..." Her next words were probably obvious, and she couldn't gain the strength to say them. The fae rose to her alabaster-hued paws slowly, her body still trembling, not from fear, but also from the cold. "If I told them how I'd really feel.. They'd ask me what I'd mean. Because I wouldn't say 'fine'. I would say horrible. I would say I felt dead, empty. And when they'd ask me what I'd mean.." her voice rose louder, to it's normal tone, although still shaking. "I'd say.. I'd say.. I feel like I'm screaming, but nobody can hear me. I feel like I'm drowning, while everyone's breathing." On her maw, a straight line was what she possessed, and her eyes weren't just filled with the ordinary hurt or sadness, but of utter boredom. As if she'd rehearsed those lines over and over in her head one too many times to count. Because she had. And that was how she truly felt. Like she was screaming, but nobody could hear her. Like she was drowning, and yet everyone else was breathing.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 92% Words: 1,434 Notes:       

Ugh I guess you could consider this long but I don't. ugh I feel like this is too deep...Yay Eth finally ranted *Flails* >o< This is so out of personality but ugh. I had to make it long.. I had to. I'm so sorry ughhhhh

[Vei]

Kiss it all better... I'm not ready to go...

Vei

Roleplay;
She looked numbly at the pebbly shore, listening to Etherealwish also complain about her life. Etherealwish was older than her... had experienced more loss... Had a real family to lose to begin with. Veiledmoon glanced up at the medicine cat, sapphire eyes dim with remorse and regret. So it was true.... Etherealwish really did understand how she felt... so disconnected... and alone. Looking up towards the darkened sky, she could make out the tiny glittering stars... taunting her like a mouse, sitting in front of a crippled cat. "I.. I'm so sorry. I should've been there.. But I can't..." The gray female shook her head, "For what? To watch with me while my son died? Or to beg Shadowrain not to leave me? It's no one's fault... You could've done nothing to change it. 'StarClan just had other plans,'" she quoted sourly, remembering her mate trying to soothe her with that phrase.
"Of course. I... I've felt like that for a long time now." For some reason... this response didn't surprise the gray she-cat in the slightest. She'd had this gut instinct something was wrong with Etherealwish since she'd met the brown tabby she-cat in the forest, that late night so many moons ago. She'd been fretting over her emotions and her faith in StarClan had been thin... though it wasn't much better now. Though, since then, she no longer worried about her feelings for Sheepfrost.. they were mates, with a litter of kittens to call theirs.. but it didn't feel as right as she had imagined it would. e-cat in the slightest. She'd had this gut instinct something was wrong with Etherealwish since she'd met the brown tabby she-cat in the forest, that late night so many moons ago. She'd been fretting over her emotions and her faith in StarClan had been thin... though it wasn't much better now. Though, since then, she no longer worried about her feelings for Sheepfrost.. they were mates, with a litter of kittens to call theirs.. but it didn't feel as right as she had imagined it would. 
"That's.. when it started. The feeling of being alone... And... Willowpool died... She... she lied to me.. I..I was left all alone...And my sister...Drippingcloud.. She... S-she.. She made it worse." That made her freeze, staring at Etherealwish. "Made it worse," she echoed, "How? How did Drippingcloud make it worse?" Her question wasn't immediately answered, which made her gray ears twitch but the brown tabby in front of her continued to speak. "It got worse.. Then Cedarwhisker went missing, and then Cherrybliss... she went missing too and never came back... I... I guess s-she's gone now, too..And Dappledrose... M-my mother." Now the medicine cat just looked like she was in severe pain... to talk about all of her loses seemed to be killing her more than it had been holding it all in, though she knew that was wrong. "That's... That's when it really struck in.." She flattened her ears, "You don't have to tell me."
Then she was screaming. "SHE LEFT ME HERE, SHE LEFT ME HERE ALONE!! She left me.. She.. She left everyone, and NOBODY cared! It.. Nobody..cared... They told me to move on, but they don't know how it feels. They didn't lose everyone in what seemed like a heartbeat! I've lost everyone, literally! I have no friends at all, nobody!" That made the gray fae frowned more, her ears now pinned to her skull, "Then what am I? If you have no one left.. why would you care if I jumped or not," she asked, her voice soft... meek... so unlike herself.
"I.. I met Cheetahcloud around then. She's.. a StarClan cat. She hated me at first, but she grew to like me. We.. we became really close. I could call her my best friend gladly now." One happy thing so far... and this friend was a dead cat. She sighed softly but said nothing, deciding to keep quiet and let Etherealwish have her turn to rant about how she felt.
"But... not long after, Drippingcloud.. she... She trained in the Dark Forest.. and.. I.. I... I found out and she called me a traitor... And so I blamed her for killing...every cat she saw. Although it---it wasn't true, I was really mad... But... She tried to drown me... I wish I did drown. Then everything would be better, and I would be safe from this place. This world, Veiledmoon, it's so cruel." Her fur stood on end immediately. "You think I don't know that?" She shook her head, "I was born into a family that would've gladly killed me. I was brought into a clan I thought would be better but it's done little good. I've lost my son, my grandfather and now my aunt... I know this world is cruel."
"You know, you're not the only one with these problems. But I mean.. I shouldn't be putting the blame on you. It's not your fault; it's our own, surely? I mean, it's my fault Drippingcloud's dead. It's my fault that everyone died, isn't it? I could've stopped their deaths, couldn't I? It is my fault. It is. Veiledmoon, please. I don't know whether you'd want me alive or not, but it doesn't matter. Because right now, I feel more dead than alive. I feel empty." She just sat there, continuing to listen as the femme continued. "Veiledmoon... Please, please don't leave me too. You're the only one I have left and.. No matter how hard it gets, please.. please don't try..." The way the medicine cat sounded... so hollow... so pleading, made her heart ache even more than before. "Etherealwish... I won't leave you... I promise... I'm still young," she murmured, nuzzling the fem's cheek, surprised by the lack of tears coming from either of them. "If I told them how I'd really feel.. They'd ask me what I'd mean. Because I wouldn't say 'fine'. I would say horrible. I would say I felt dead, empty. And when they'd ask me what I'd mean.. I'd say.. I'd say.. I feel like I'm screaming, but nobody can hear me. I feel like I'm drowning, while everyone's breathing." The she-cat nodded slowly in understanding, "I know... I know," she whispered.


OOC;
tags: Nako [Eth]
word count: 1118
notes: Looks good. You did well. 1000+ word posts are difficult to get through... I know I've only done a few. Eth and Vei are not so different now are they? XD Sorry it's mostly quotes btw... not much movement I can squeeze in so responses and quotes were about it. Night Jenny. :)

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

Etherealwish froze as the she-cat began talking. Her muscles tensed up and she let out a racked sigh. Come on, why can't I just do it?! I mean.. Veiledmoon.. She was strong enough to try. Why aren't I? Nobody needs me. I'm just a medicine cat. Sometimes I mix up death berries with poppy seeds. Maybe it'd be better if I had eaten death berries. Then this wouldn't be so hard, she thought, her argument with her little self getting harder to bare by the minute, by the second. She had barely heard Veiledmoon's next words thanks to her stupid screaming. Not that she was listening. Her eyes widened as she suddenly picked up Veiledmoon's words. 'Then what am I? If you have no one left.. why would you care if I jumped or not,' Her eyes widened and she growled. "Seriously?! I jumped in after you! You're the only thing left in this world that I care about! If you die, then I'd probably die too!" she hissed. Her ice-blue gaze had grown hard and barely shown a bit of consideration that she had always possessed, being the 'oh, so sweet, so innocent little medicine cat'. No. They didn't like her at all. 'You think I don't know that?' Veiledmoon's words taunted her, more and more, 'I was born into a family that would've gladly killed me. I was brought into a clan I thought would be better but it's done little good. I've lost my son, my grandfather and now my aunt... I know this world is cruel.' She glared back at her. "You don't know it as well as I do. You know, Veiledmoon.." Her voice grew into a whisper. "How do you stand it? Being here. I don't think I can anymore..I don't think I ever have." She admitted slowly, the words barely catching even her own ears from the breeze that gripped at her fur. Just take me away...! Please... Take me away from here, somebody.. she pleaded in her mind. I could do it myself.. The river.. It's right in front of me. She reminded herself. 'Etherealwish... I won't leave you... I promise... I'm still young,' Her lies. Oh, they were lies. Weren't they? They had to be. Nobody cared about her. Nobody did, except maybe Cheetahcloud or Drippingcloud. No. Drippingcloud tried to kill her, so how could she trust her? She tried to kill so many cats.. she reminded herself. The flashbacks of watching her friend kill her other friend stood right in front of her. She wanted to scream at the thought, of watching Drippingcloud. Drippingcloud shouldn't have ever lived...! She wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out. Nothing would, except a tiny squeak that emitted from her throat shortly after. "No.. Y-You're lying.. Y-you're..." She hissed. Her fur on the back of her spine had spiked up in her anger and frustration. "N-no..!" she hissed. Her blue glare shot at her friend in anger. "You're lying! N-nobody. Nobody cares about me e-except Cheetahcloud." She stated sternly, her eyes closing as she imaged the pretty feline. Her sparkly pelt. I'll be there soon, Cheetahcloud. I'll be there soon. No. I.. Starclan doesn't deserve me, do they? She thought. I'm so ruined... How could they deserve a medicine cat, torn, like this? She said in her mind. Cheetahcloud.. she seemed to always be there. But she could never feel like she could, could she? No. Cheetahcloud was dead, how would she? She would never know how she felt, broken down there, all alone, empty, shattered. How was she of any use to HiddenClan? The words that rampaged through her head continued to break the fragile tabby fae. Her blue eyes glistened as she stared at the dark green grasses, how it gently pricked at her toes. "Veiledmoon.." She whispered. "I.. I don't.." Her voice was breaking. Of course, show how pathetic you are, she grumbled at herself through her thoughts. The only way her anger could ever be expressed without harming anyone, except herself. Of course, she wouldn't harm anyone but herself. Nobody cared about her, so how could she? Her paws, the achromatic hue of them. They twisted towards the water, towards the glorious water. Oh, how tantalizing it seemed to her. It was so hard to reach. Her death. Although it was easy to obtain, her little goal inside of her, it was unable to be reached. Because even after she died, she would still be alive in Starclan, that was for sure. Positive. Yes, those were her feelings. How she felt toward everything. Oh, why don't I give up? Just a couple more steps, she tried to make herself hopeful. For what, though? The only beginning? She asked herself. One more paw-step, another thought formed through her head. Oh, dearie, you can do it! She tried to chant her broken self to repair, as if it were possible. Broken things shouldn't be repaired. She reminded herself. "I...take...anymore.." she whispered. Paw-step closer. One paw-step slowly made it's way into the emptiness of the air, and then the cold chill, skeleton-like complexion of the river. Yes, oh, she had.. She just had to leave. The coldness, it made her feel.. alive at first. It made her realize what she was doing, but she barely wanted to get out. Oh, it was just a jump away. She barely had a fore-paw stuck in the water, and yet, was it enough to change her mind? Hopefully not. Hopefully maybe. "I'm so sorry, Veiledmooon." Oh, her little lies. Of course she wasn't sorry! How could she regret trying it again? The petrifying bliss of the cruelty of it all, it made her want to scream. "I.." Her words became choked as she slowly took her paw out of the water. "I.. I want to." The light-brown temptress muttered, her voice barely audible by the gusts of wind. They complained at her, cluttering her fur up in masses and masses of ungroomed, dirty fur. Her fur that had once been slightly 'neat' as one would call it, was again wrecked with tangles.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 89% Words: 1,025  Notes:       

GOOOOOOOSH I AM SO SORRY OKAY. Ugh I haven't had the muse to reply and I haven't felt enough into it. I mean.. This roleplay just. LA LA LA. ugh. I'm really sorry. ugh. I dont feel okay right now and i just uuuughghhhhhhhhhhhh UGH. just. I know. I should've tried harder. Uuuugh. I just i don't. i don't feel really okay right now just my stepfather made me really upset and his words ugh they keep taunting me. he called me fat. and they just. ugh  shouldnt rant on here. sorry anyways how are youu

[Vei]

Kiss it all better... I'm not ready to go...

Vei

Roleplay;
The dark female had rested her gaze on the ground, her eyes dim, so unlike their usual bright, liveliness. She sighed softly, the wind tugging harshly on her thin pelt and chilling her to the very core. The small droplets of water from the river that had been on her whiskers were blown away, as if they were never there. Her ice cold fur, with the wind's help, seemed like the cold grasp of claws at her throat, whispering to her that she should've just drowned... shouldn't have tried to swim up.. should've joined her son... up in StarClan, where everything was quiet... and safe.
"Seriously?! I jumped in after you! You're the only thing left in this world that I care about! If you die, then I'd probably die too!" Why... why was everyone always shouting at her for some reason? Smeric had, Shadowrain had, Drippingcloud even had... when she'd been a small kitten. She sighed miserably as she listened to Etherealwish yell at her. "But you said- Never mind... No one listens to me... No one ever did." "You don't know it as well as I do. You know, Veiledmoon. How do you stand it? Being here. I don't think I can anymore..I don't think I ever have."  Veiledmoon looked up at the brown tabby fae, her voice completely bland when she replied, "I don't stand it... But I know.. That if I can just hold on... Just until StarClan chooses me to go... I'll have more to wait for when I pass away... Right now, it'd be lonely for me up there... just like it is for Blanckit... he has no one with him but strangers... no family. If I can just wait.... wait and cling to life... I can just hope that StarClan will give back to me what I didn't get in life."
"No.. Y-You're lying.. Y-you're..." At such lack of faith, Veiledmoon could feel her heart shatter... broken into tiny little bits.... dying slowly. "W-what?" Her tone was soft, full of hurt, timid and quiet, her sapphire eyes wide and flooded with pain as her gray ears folded back. "N-no..! You're lying! N-nobody. Nobody cares about me e-except Cheetahcloud." Veiledmoon's eyes glistened and burned with tears that she held back. Her paw subconciously took a step back, away from the she-cat spouting such hurtful accusation... Does she not trust me? What did I do that was so wrong to make her feel this way? Why?
Then, she was watching Etherealwish slowly step into the water, her movements jerky, as if she was fighting herself for every step... every thought. "Veiledmoon.." At this point, the dark fae had already risen to her paws, her ears perked. As if the wind didn't like her idea, it howled and harshly slammed into the small female, making her stumble back a few steps before regaining her balance when the wind died down. She darted towards the she- cat and hopped in front of her, into the shallow river water that tugged mercilessly at her paws. "Etherealwish... no! You have to pull through. Your apprentice hasn't received her name... she isn't ready to take your place. And the clan needs you.... I need you..."
"I'm so sorry, Veiledmooon." "Well, stop being sorry! Stop being sorry and live! Come on... You have to pull through... with me! We'll do it together." Her eyes flashed with worry and trust, staring into Etherealwish's eyes. Her body was thinner, her soaking pelt clinging to her tiny frame like glue, her eyes oddly darker than usual and her voice weak, pathetic almost, pleading.

OOC;
tags: Nako [Eth]
word count: 631
notes: o.o I'm sorry! You can rant at me on Skype if you don't want to on here :) I'm always listening.
Ohh.... it's so short T-T I'm sorry....

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

The ticked tabby feline stood there awkwardly, her paw dangling barely above the foamy depths of the place that was practically pleading for her to dive in and sleep beneath it's graceful wrath. Every twist and turn of the current, mesmerized by its very being was the fae. 'Etherealwish... no! You have to pull through. Your apprentice hasn't received her name... she isn't ready to take your place. And the clan needs you.... I need you...' She snorted. "Yeah... whatever... She can earn it herself." She commented blandly, her ice-blue gaze still staring down at the water, never removing it for even a second as she continued listening to Veiledmoon's annoying pleas for her to stay. Which is more selfish.. Making someone who wants to leave stay... or letting them die..? The light-brown coloured temptress thought as she continued letting her eyes rest on the dull colors of the one thing that could give her her sanity, and make her prayers be finally answered. "Nobody needs me. Drippingcloud... She needed me.. Did you see what happened? I got her killed!" She exclaimed. Anger made her want to dig her claws into something, to feel the blood running down into the water... To see it moving, mixing with the colors that lingered within. "I got her killed.. I got my sister killed." She breathed. "If it wasn't for her, I would be dead right now. If it wasn't for her, I'd be with my mother. But no. She took the risk, and she died. For me." She whispered, her words shattering with every uncontrollable twitch of her paw, or her tail, or her being. "You... You don't understand. Don't say that you do, because you don't, and you never will. Nobody will. How hard it was.. To watch her die in front of me. I'm a medicine cat. I could've done something. I should've done something! I'm a sin for not doing something. You know what medicine cats do? They pick flowers. They help cats with nowhere to go. They help cats who are suffering. But I... That doesn't make me a medicine cat. Watching someone die is what someone useless would do. Her wound.. I-it was too deep though.. I-I don't think I would've made it back in time if I tried to get herbs.." She whispered, feeling her stomach churn as one white paw dipped into the cold roars of the water, only to be instantly pulled out by her strength. I...I...I can't...! I can't...! I have to.. stay strong, even if it's only for Veiledmoon and Florapaw.. the medicine cat tried to reassure her slowly crumbling self. 'Well, stop being sorry! Stop being sorry and live! Come on... You have to pull through... with me! We'll do it together.' Returned by her thoughts thanks to her clan-mate. Oh, come on! She wanted to wail. The feline slowly let out a sigh and tried to drag her wrecked self away from the thundering of the river. "D-don't be so cruel... How can you stay somewhere when you can hardly hold on?" She whispered. "Yeah right. You have a family. You.. You have anything a cat could ask for, and yet you're complaining." She muttered lowly, glaring at the ground, unable to meet her friend's gaze, scared of what she would find in it. Hate me, hate me. Give me one more reason. One more reason, so I can finally leave... She pleaded, begged to the stars above. Why have faith in something if it didn't have faith in you? The medicine cat pondered through her thoughts for the answer to that very question, but she was incapable of finding any at all. Maybe it'd be better if I didn't know, she guessed, still silently wishing for yet another reason she could die and leave the Clan, leave HiddenClan, leave everything. Not like anyone would care.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 47% Words: 641 Notes:       

Yaaay two threads in less than an hour. |D I feel sorta accomplished. Roar. I have a booming headache. Uuugh.

[Vei]

Kiss it all better... I'm not ready to go...

Vei

Roleplay;
"Yeah... whatever... She can earn it herself." Veiledmoon narrowed her eyes, "Stop it! Stop being so heartless Etherealwish! I love you and you're tearing me apart with such self hate! You're pitying yourself like a kit who got their tail trodden on!" Her dark gray ears remained pinned to her head, her eyes a whirlpool of confused, depressed emotions. "Stop it," she shrieked, "I don't want to be alone!" She could feel the cold caress of tears slithering down her cheeks, over the pitch black star marking on her cheek and down to her chin where to skydived only to plummet to the earth.
"Nobody needs me. Drippingcloud... She needed me.. Did you see what happened? I got her killed! I got her killed.. I got my sister killed... If it wasn't for her, I would be dead right now. If it wasn't for her, I'd be with my mother. But no. She took the risk, and she died. For me... You... You don't understand. Don't say that you do, because you don't, and you never will. Nobody will. How hard it was.. To watch her die in front of me. I'm a medicine cat. I could've done something. I should've done something! I'm a sin for not doing something. You know what medicine cats do? They pick flowers. They help cats with nowhere to go. They help cats who are suffering. But I... That doesn't make me a medicine cat. Watching someone die is what someone useless would do. Her wound.. I-it was too deep though.. I-I don't think I would've made it back in time if I tried to get herbs.." Veiledmoon listened to the brown tabby fae ramble and complain, telling her story, retelling how she was suffering so much and that Veiledmoon could never understand her pain. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head vigorously, "No... no... You won't get me killed," she whispered, her voice a croak, hardly making it out of maw before a soft wail escaped her.
"D-don't be so cruel... How can you stay somewhere when you can hardly hold on?" Veiledmoon stared now, openly distressed and muddled with negative emotions. "You have to hold on... No matter how much it hurts... At the end of it all, you'll get what you lost. I am not cruel... I... am not... cruel... Life is," she murmured. "Yeah right. You have a family. You.. You have anything a cat could ask for, and yet you're complaining." At this she hissed loudly, "Stop saying that! So what if I have a family if I am miserable and don't connect with them?! My mate is absent frequently, my kits do not need me anymore, much less tolerate me! Aside from them, the only family I have a relationship with anymore is you and you're threatening to leave me too! How can you be so cruel?! You're such a hypocrite! How can you sit here and call me a monster, a cruel person, when you yourself are just as bad?" She drew in a shaky breath, a sorrowful moan leaving her. "I do not have everything anyone could ever want... I have so little to give me happiness anymore..."
The gray fae stared at her adopted aunt who now seemed like her life line. The last piece of the puzzle and it was being ripped apart. "Stop it," she wailed, "Don't leave me all alone! I can't- I can't," she whined, struggling to get her words out as her crying interfered with her breathing, making it difficult. "I can't.... You can't leave me... Please," she begged.

OOC;
tags: Nako [Eth]
word count: 660
notes: Go gurl XD You got dis.

[Nako [Eth]]

    it's so hard, pretending to be strong

Memories came in like the waves of the river, hitting gently against her achromatic-coloured paws, now dirtied with debris and blood. Drippingcloud's blood. Her blood, she reminded herself huskily, slightly wishing for a chance to change everything. She was gone, like the words in the wind from their arguments; secrets she would exchange with Fluffypaw or Veiledmoon. How can you trust them? We're all nothing, Etherealwish reminded herself bitterly as Veiledmoon's words rushed out like a tide. "Stop it! Stop being so heartless Etherealwish! I love you and you're tearing me apart with such self hate! You're pitying yourself like a kit who got their tail trodden on!" Heartless. She calls me heartless! A manic laughter bubbled out of the fae's bodice; making her tremble at the seams. "Ha---you--! Love me...! How can you love this?" She replied, struggling to keep her voice down with the flowing temper that was destined to be heard; like a lion, waiting for his mate to finally realize who she loved. Pleading with the rags of betrayal and fear. "And you're not?" The medicine cat replied smoothly; of course. Heartless, I'm a heartless being... Heartless... I'm not a medicine cat... just a little kit... To stand there and watch your sister be murdered...! She reminded herself, claws continuing to grip in the mushy earth below, the padded ground curling against her withering self. "You have to hold on... No matter how much it hurts... At the end of it all, you'll get what you lost. I am not cruel... I... am not... cruel... Life is," Her friend-- no, she had no friends here, she thought promptly as she listened to her half-heartedly -- wait, did she even have a heart? "Hold on? To what? There's nothing left to hold on to. We're all crumbling." The brown ticked tabby mused quietly. "How can I gain anything? I'm worthless! I watched my sister die in front of me --- I could've done something, but I didn't even move! You don't understand! I'm a murderer, Veiledmoon. A murderer." She lowered her voice as if in disbelief; of course, maybe she'd been a murderer long before the 'accident'. A murderer of her old self, of her past. "Stop saying that! So what if I have a family if I am miserable and don't connect with them?! My mate is absent frequently, my kits do not need me anymore, much less tolerate me! Aside from them, the only family I have a relationship with anymore is you and you're threatening to leave me too! How can you be so cruel?! You're such a hypocrite! How can you sit here and call me a monster, a cruel person, when you yourself are just as bad?" She bit her lip, struggling to think of a reply for a moment. Yeah, whatever. And how could you care? Did you realize I have to sit there and be jealous all day and struggle not to rip out your throats when I see anyone gushing over their mate? She nearly hissed. "A family. A home. That's HiddenClan, to you, surely.." She muttered. "So what if your mate's absent frequently and your kits don't need you?! At least you have a mate; you should be grateful! Have you realized..? I'm a medicine cat. I sit there all day, and watch mates gush over each other." She muttered bitterly, her temper crawling up her, flourishing throughout her soul, through her heart. "I do not have everything anyone could ever want... I have so little to give me happiness anymore..." A cough wretched Etherealwish as she began to reply. "Really, Veiledmoon? Sheepfrost loves you." She commented. "At least you have someone who cares for you.... what do I have? My mother...she's gone. So is my sister. The ones I love, they don't care for me.. Don't even try.. Don't try." Another cough, another whisper, another game to play. "I can't.... You can't leave me... Please," So childish, so immature. How? How could you say all those things, and yet, still say that you don't want me to leave..? Wonders acing through Etherealwish's mind like the searing ache of loneliness at that first tear of flesh, at the first realization of regret and that you have inability to change anything that happened in the past. Anything to change your desires for certain others, to change your losses. "How could you want me here? I'm a despicable one," She stated flatly. Don't reply. Don't reply. Her thoughts were pleading like the wind was for it to join her in the valley of lost hears and tears. For it to join her in her adventure of the world beyond life, beyond death. The world that changed everything, to where it was now; the present. "Don't deny it. Don't even try, there's no use. It's quite obvious, actually." Her anger had died down into soft whispers of the wind, barely seen or heard from. "I basically killed my sister." The words dropped out of her mouth, wrinkling with regret and dismissal; her two emotions pouring throughout her body. "I...You say you understand, but how could you? You weren't there; you don't know anything about her. All she was to you was another being, just like I am. And when I leave, nobody will miss me. Nobody will say, 'Oh, I wish she was here right now.' They'll say 'I'm glad she's gone. She deserved to die." The bitter ending to a sentence she'd spoken, so cold, filled with the one emotion she thought fit herself: hate. How, how could you love someone so empty, so brittle, especially at this rate? You couldn't change fate, could you? More questions that would never be answered and that she would never have the courage to ask them. One would say they were stupid questions and to never speak of them again, or ask why, but she wouldn't have an answer -- it was too important for them to care. As if they did; nobody cared for her. Her friend -- no, the other feline beside her -- just reminded her of that. The fact nobody cared; they never would. "So...... so why bother, Veiledmoon...? If you think you know me so well... then fine, go ahead and guess.." she whispered. Her voice was as broken as herself; a memory soon to never be seen again, if her plan happened to succeed. "You say you hate everything... and yet, you have things a cat would beg for all their life, and you're complaining." The cold state she was in, she didn't care what she said to the grey femme nearby her. She refused to meet the other cats blue orbs, afraid of what she would find in them. Run, run away and bother me no more, she pleaded in her head. Although a part of her wished Veiledmoon would stay and play this game of riddles with her. Don't forget the lies, her inner self cooed softly, soothing her matted self with it's very call.

   when in reality, everything is crashing to the ground

 Tags: Vei Muse: 78% Words: 1173 Notes:       

This is what happens when I'm feeling really bad and all my feelings mushed together. This is what happens when then I read about 30 chapters of Wintergirls and read all of Hollyleaf's Story. Aand this is what happens when I feel the need to rant and there's nobody there. Yeah. Amg. I'm so confused with life right now.. I just. Uuugh. I'll probably reply to the other threads tomorrow if I'm not in the 'oof' again.

[Vei]

Kiss it all better... I'm not ready to go...

Vei

Roleplay;
Not only was this arguing ripping at her emotions, the harsh wind and cold splashes of water were chilling her physical body to the bone. How she didn't notice, she could only assume was because of sheer adrenaline or being so distracted and her mind being so muddled. This was so difficult to hear and respond to only to be turned around and hit with an insult. "Ha---you--! Love me...! How can you love this?" She let out a defeated groan, her mind being taxed with so much misery and bickering. "No on needs a reason to love someone... Love is indescribable," she whined, "Stop trying to make me explain it as if it's just an answer to a simple question!" Why was Etherealwish so difficult? Etherealwish had never been like this before! Even when she'd jumped on her in the middle of the night... She never got this... demented. "And you're not?" And there was the insult. Her dark grey ears flattened to her skull and could feel the sting of tears behind her eyes. No crying... no crying.
"Hold on? To what? There's nothing left to hold on to. We're all crumbling. How can I gain anything? I'm worthless! I watched my sister die in front of me --- I could've done something, but I didn't even move! You don't understand! I'm a murderer, Veiledmoon. A murderer." Her ears perked, twitching in annoyance. This was getting more and more depressing and more and more frustrating. "No kidding. It's called life. Everyone dies at some point and your job is to try to prevent death until another day. So what? You froze. It was a shame, we'll all miss Drippingcloud, but she would have died sooner or later anyway. I too got Drippingcloud into a rumble with a fox. I was a kit, brand new here in HiddenClan, and I idiotically ran after your sister when she went to go hunting. I thought I was so smart and that my tracking skills would find her, no problem. Instead, I found a fox and your sister, Drippingcloud, managed to get the fox off my tail so I could get home. She lived through that one, and that honestly, was a miracle. Stop blaming yourself for a natural reaction to freeze. No one here blames you so you shouldn't either." The grey female was shivering in her thin dark fur but hardly noticed the cold.
This was becoming tiring, and the harsh conditions outside where they stood were only making it worse.
The young female queen shuddered against the harsh wind that blew past and her sapphire eyes glanced towards the sky before her gaze dropped back to Etherealwish. "A family. A home. That's HiddenClan, to you, surely.. So what if your mate's absent frequently and your kits don't need you?! At least you have a mate; you should be grateful! Have you realized..? I'm a medicine cat. I sit there all day, and watch mates gush over each other." Veiledmoon gawked at the brown tabby before her. "HiddenClan?... A home," she laughed, "You're funny! HiddenClan is more like a prison. I know too much about them... They'd kill me if I ever went rogue... They wouldn't take kindly to a loner that was once one of them... in fact, they may just kill me because they recognize my 'traitorous pelt.' A family... My family Etherealwish," she started, her tone tight as she tried to keep her voice steady, "Are two adult cats that abused and neglected me. HiddenClan is different. I have no connection to any of you other than the love I put into each of you, the love I give you." Her words were set in stone before she even spoke them. She was telling the truth and nothing but the truth, all of it. If Etherealwish refused to believe it, then that only meant she didn't understand how strongly her emotions were set into her life in HiddenClan. Without her emotions, she would've left by the time she'd learned to hunt, there would've been no Veiledmoon. No Nyxkit. Or Moonkit. Or Shroundedkit, Blanckit, or Vivacitykit. There would be no love with Sheepfrost and no grief of Shadowrain's leaving.
"Really, Veiledmoon? Sheepfrost loves you. At least you have someone who cares for you.... what do I have? My mother...she's gone. So is my sister. The ones I love, they don't care for me.. Don't even try.. Don't try." She bit her tongue to keep from yelling at her idiocy at the current moment. She had more, she was just refusing to recognize it so she could win her argument. "Yes, thank you for stating the reason we became mates and had kits. We love each other. But you've seen Shadowrain and Rainfeather... after enough time of absence, mates will go their separate ways," she pointed out though she hated to admit it. Sheepfrost and herself had been lacking... them time, to just talk and enjoy one another's company. "You have me for StarClan's sake! I care about you! Stop shoving that aside! I AM NOT A NO BODY," she shrieked, unable to maintain a calm tone, "Care that I care! Care that I bother to put effort and time into our relationship! STOP IGNORING MY INPUT! I will try all I want! Because I care. So stop pretending I'm not here to be your friend... to be your niece.. to be a shoulder to lean on. Have I not always been here for you? Have I not let you rant to me when I myself was under stress that couldn't be ranted about? Did I not share my joyous news as a young cat that I was expecting kits? Your kin! New life! Did I not accept your help even though I am proud and would rather not admit I need it? Did I not embrace your attitude and wisdom that came with it?... Just stop thinking so negatively.. You are loved Etherealwish.. You're just choosing to ignore it."
As soon as the brown fae opened her mouth, she sighed, "How could you want me here? I'm a despicable one." "If you're despicable, then I'm a demon sent from Dark Forest themselves." "Don't deny it. Don't even try, there's no use. It's quite obvious, actually. I basically killed my sister." Her tail curled tightly around her paws in agitation. "There are a lot of things that basically killed your sister. Time, for example. Stress. Being her own worst enemy sometimes. Lots of things contributed to that death. You are not solely to blame. You want to hear a murder I basically committed? My own father's. Smeric... None of you clan cats have heard of him... seen him... I keep my past locked away in a box deep inside me so no one can dig it up again and hurt me with it. I told Shadowrain everything. I led him to where my father lived. I sat down away from the spot and Shadowrain did the deed though it was my wish that Smeric was gone. I basically committed murder and I was only three moons old."
A larger splash that hit Veiledmoon in the back made her shudder at the cold, her paws feeling frozen and heavy... she could hardly feel them anymore. "I...You say you understand, but how could you? You weren't there; you don't know anything about her. All she was to you was another being, just like I am. And when I leave, nobody will miss me. Nobody will say, 'Oh, I wish she was here right now.' They'll say 'I'm glad she's gone. She deserved to die." "Don't you dare! Drippingcloud was not just another being," she hissed, her eyes flashing with grief, "Drippingcloud was my savior. She found me when no one else would hear my cries! I would have died without that female! Do not dare tell me I did not know her," she spat, the fur on her shoulders rising. "She used to talk to me, when I was a kit, because I was too shy to make any friends. Sheepfrost was the only kit in that nursery that ever approached me. The 'stranger.' The 'freak from outside.' Drippingcloud was my best friend when I was little. She would play with me until I was so tired I couldn't move my paws anymore. And instead of abandoning me like that to do her duty, she'd pick me up and bring me back into the nursery, to the comfort of the nest I was all alone in, and would make sure I fell asleep. Do not assume she was just some no body to me. You are also, not just some cat. You helped me when I was struggling with faith to StarClan. You helped me decide to tell Sheepfrost I loved him. You helped me birth the most beautiful, perfect kittens I could ever wish for... and even though you hate the gushy mates, hate the whiny kits, you were there for me, every step of the way... You are not a no body... You're my closest friend. And I will miss you, when you're gone... And Sheepfrost will respect my grief and mourn with me. My kits, who have heard stories I've shared, about you, will miss you. There are cats who will miss you."
There was a long pause and the tension in the air made her fur stand on end, though because it was wet, it was spiky and the least bit flattering to her tiny body that was usually made to look normal under her thin gray coat. Now she looked sickly... though in honesty, her small body had always made her look sickly and weak, hence why she groomed her coat until she looked of normal size. "So...... so why bother, Veiledmoon...? If you think you know me so well... then fine, go ahead and guess.." She frowned, confused by the last part of her statement, "Guess? Guess what," she asked, utterly perplexed. "You say you hate everything... and yet, you have things a cat would beg for all their life, and you're complaining." "Are you... calling me heartless," her voice caught in her throat at the word... Was this medicine cat.. the female in front of her.. calling her.. heartless? She shook her head in a vain attempt to hide her tears, "I.... I'm not heartless. I hate myself more than anything Etherealwish... You think I haven't realized how.. selfish I seem? I have the most wonderful mate a female could ask for.. but I can do little to show my affection with the hunting parties and the border patrols tearing us away from one another... I have four lovely kits but they don't need me... They don't even like me to my understanding. I have a home and food and you're right.... I'm still complaining. Maybe I am heartless," she murmured, tears welling in her azure oculars, "But I won't give up in trying to be better... I won't give up anymore... I won't back away and hide like a kit, or-or try to run away from my issues. I'm done running and hiding... and you should be too..."


OOC;
tags: Nako [Eth]
word count: 2000
notes: Aww D: You can always rant to me <3