Featherpaw|| She-cat [UPDATED]

[Featherz]

Name: Featherpaw

Gender: Female

Age: 8 moons
Clan: Hiddenclan

Family/relationships

Mother: Swiftfeather

Father: Cinderstorm

Siblings: Heatherpaw

History

Featherpaw doesn’t really have much history. But onememorable story in her life was her battle with blindness. The pain of it wasalways there, looming in the darkness. But one night as she was playing withher sister Heatherpaw, she realised it wasn’t so bad. That night she had adream from her sister where she could see. Featherpaw soon came to realise thatfor her, blindness was best. As a kit she was very miserable. She rarely smiledand was always sneaking out of camp. Featherkit grew though, she matured andseems more mature than your average apprentice.

Quick description
A silver tabby she-cat with ice blue eyes

Appearance

Featherpaw is a silver tabby with scattered greyish black stripes painted around her body. The tip of her tail is the greyish black.However, Featherpaw is mainly a wonderful silver colour. Despite her blindness Featherpaw has dazzling ice blue eyes that tend to focus at the moon, even if cats that have sight can’t see it. Featherpaw resembles the moon very much. She only sees darkness but lights her own path. In the moonlight she sort of shines, locking anyone's gaze on her. She has been teased for her blindness, many of the kits and apprentices teased her because her eyes never focused on the cat who is talking. Featherpaw took this well, and used it to make herself stronger. Although the comments hurt. 

Personality
She is quite isolated and keeps alot of things to herself. Featherpaw rarley talks about her feelings. Most cats tend to stay away from her. However she really likes her sister, Heatherpaw, and can sometimes talk for hours on end about her feelings. Featherpaw is a caring person, and whenever a cat is feeling down, Featherpaw has an urge to go and cheer the cat up. Like everyone though, Featherpaw has flaws in her personality. For a start she doesn't like trying new things, witch can be a bit of a pain if she has to move at all. Or the prey she prefers lacks and is rarely in camp. 

Skills
Due to blindness Featherpaws smell and hearing have been enhanced, meaning she can tell if something is approaching before anyone else. This is good for searching for a lost kit.
Featherpaw is patient and listens, she doesn't judge others and is willing to help. Unfortunately not many cats have realised this yet.

Likes/ Dislikes
Likes:
the moon
food
Training with her mentor
Dreaming
Playing with friends and family

Dislikes:
Fussiness
Sight
Crow-food
Rain

[/p]

[⋆ Phia ⋆]

Not yet accepted!

Ah there's little Featherpaw! You are one lucky furball to have her blinded at absolutely no cost, so I'm going to be evil and be extra strict with your little adorable apprentice. ^-^

To start with, I will request something very obvious- please review your application and correct your punctuation (especially spaces). It's looking a little bit sloppy right now. D; And of course I shall point this out for one more time- personalities. Develop, develop, develop. Just like in roleplaying posts, two liners in character development areas of applications are not accepted. From her brief personality description she sounds a lot like an introvert, and since she's a blind character, she'll have several strong feelings regarding her disability as well as the reactions she gets because of it as well. So, details, details, details! ^-^

As for her appearance, it kind of feels like your two final sentences stray a little off-topic. Could you look into that a little bit too?

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Accepted!

Satisfactory changes overall; her personality looks more clear now, and your finish on her appearance feels more on-topic. I would however appreciate a good proof-reading of the entire application, since there are still minor spelling/punctuation mistakes you could fix. Other than that, she's good to go! Feel free to start roleplaying!